Hey guys, I just got back from a weekend trip to Chicago. A group of 11 of my friends from my sorority and I went up there to visit our other friend and to explore together! It was a blast. On Friday we got to see where our friend lived, which was a super cute suburb called Naperville. Then on Saturday we got up at the crack of dawn, caught the train like real city gals, and spent the day in Chicago. We saw the Bean and ice skated and went to a comedy show at Second City. Super fun, super COLD!! I don’t think I would enjoy living anywhere that far North haha.
I say that and right now in Lawrence it is 12 degrees. Like wut. Anyways I start class tomorrow and to be totally honest, I am so uneasy about being back at KU.
Last year, I got really sick before I left school for Christmas break. I healed at home and had a wonderful long month off. When I got back to KU in January I was SO nervous about being back. I have never had anxiety before this and that is the only way I could describe the way I was feeling. The first week back, I woke up scared everyday. I am not even sure what exactly I was scared of, but I was questioning my ability to make it through the day because all I could think of was anxiety. I hated being alone because my thoughts were so daunting and I called my mom crying everyday. For about a month or so, most days consisted of a tearful breakdown and long text messages from my parents telling me that I was going to be alright.
After a while I became SO frustrated because all of the people around me seemed to be having the best time of their lives and I wasn’t. I sought help from so many people and they were great but nothing was fixing it. This was when I really decided to start turning back to my relationship with Jesus. I think I have mentioned this before, but I accepted Christ when I was 7 and grew up learning about him. But first semester of freshman year I really put Christ on the back burner and craved affirmation from friends and boys. I fueled this desire by partying a lot. Things were great until I got sick.
So flash forward, in the midst of this unknown anxiety, I started praying really hard for peace. And in different ways the Lord gave it to me. He gave me a ton of support through my roommates and started preparing my heart for camp through studying his word. I didn’t get immediately better, and that is why I am writing this blog post today. I am a broken human and it hasn’t been easy to face this situation a year later. Thankfully I wasn’t sick this time. But it is still really hard for me to leave home.
Throughout the past week I have been praying for trust. The verse “Trust the Lord your God with all your heart, with all of your soul and with all your mind,” has been spinning through my head like a record on a turn table. God has helped me realize this time around that, yes being at home is safe and wonderful, but he can’t challenge me if I am at home. He is calling me to KU, out of my comfort zone because he needs me to be here. I am eager to “fight the good fight of faith” against this nasty anxiety everyday this semester. If you feel this way, even just a little bit, one thing I want to say is “This too shall pass.” It might not be today or tomorrow but you will get through this because we have a God that loves us. He will never bring us to something that we can not get through.